i don’t trust anyone, not even myself.
i feel horrible. i hate my life. i hate who i am.
i am nothing, i am worthless. i am a disfuctional failure.
i hate my past, i have no beautiful future.
shit
lord help me. i need to end all of this.
phase me out easy lord, don’t make it too hard on me.
don’t let it be too difficult, teach me how to float.
god i want to go in love.
love love love.
and leave a trail of it behind.
please let me get through this, it’s change time.
boyfriend is a jerk
boyfriend is a jerk boyfriend is a jerk don’t know why i’m with him boyfriend is a jerk don’t know why i’m with him boyfriend is a jerk don’t know why i’m with him boyfriend is a jerk.
sdfhfy kghjlivhcfulhjv cfhdstyruyghjbmn
hen someone makes you take a look at yourself and what you see isn’t pretty, and then you start to feel sick.
lord i ask right now to draw upon your divine strenthgth. lored build me up and then break me down, do with me hat you will, and i may not understand but i trust that you are putting me through the fire for a reason.
dear good i don’t try to understand, i just try to live it and be it- live and be exa ctly your tool, an instrument for your peace and good actions.
god i want to be right within.
love love love
so he’s extremely angry
so he’s extremely angry
and it’s all pent up inside.
i’d recite the conversation but i’m too tired and i’ve already done a collage to help me deal with the emotions induced by it.
either way, it was ridiculous. such text book signs of… something.
snapping at me (loss of control of temper, heightened sensitivity), condescending (saying the word “RESPECT” to me, telling me i’m throwing a tantrum (projection), cutting me off, getting off the phone (avoidance) .. yes there’s a LOT of avoidance here. as well as some projection.
yes i know he is SICK, like, physically, but it’s all about “psychoneuroimmunology”. His psyche affects his immune system, and his immune system in turn affects his psyche.
What he needs is some THERAPY. (Esp. music therapy.. .maybe i should make him a CD. yes, yes i will. he could also do some ART therapy on himself… ) he should also do GUIDED IMAGERY.
THERAPY will affect his PSYCHE in a positive way, and in turn affect his IMMUNE system in a positive way.
I just found a guided imagery/ hypnosis place near philadelphia…
http://www.voorheeshypnosis.com/21208.html
God i wish i could do guided imagery and music therapy on him. but he lives far so i can’t see him.
all i can do is pray from afar, use the emotions i get from this for the positive by creating things, art, music, etc. and sending off good vibes back into the universe.
i wanna curse- he’s a fucking dick. a FUCKING DICK!
but that’s not the way i have to deal with things.
he’s BEING a fucking dick, not he IS a fucking dick.
whew, there’s nothing i can do now to make him change, make him better, so i have to let go of the frustration.
le sigh
needing freedom right now.
only the truth can set you free.
i’m so tired right now and it’s 4 am and i’m STILL up after last night’s drinking binge which ended terribly, including being extremely sick all day today and missing obligations due to it, and struggling through a tough music session.
what a fukkin day. what a week. what is going on in my life right now?!
just feeling more and more confused lately, this familiar confusion coming on and setting in like i used to get. i don’t think this is a quarter life crisis- i already went through that (didn’t i?)
i think i’m just feeling really super unhealthy because i haven’t been eating, sleeping, or taking care of myself at all. why do i get like this? i just run myself too thin, and get filled with worry and stress and ugh i let it get the best of me.
things i want to be:
free
i am having a hard time expressing myself and this feeling of a lack of control won’t go away. my music isn’t good enough. nothing is good enough. i’m not good enough. now would be the point where my (loving) ex boyfriend would (lovingly) tell me i need to see the therapist. i’m sick of talking to strangers about my problems though.
blah blah blah this too shall pass.
"i’m so sad right now i could cry a river!"
wow this is perfect. i was needing an apology and i would forgive. he was sensing a serious threat and needed me to retreat.
ScienceDaily (June 26, 2010) — A new Baylor University study has found that there are two fundamental underlying concerns when partners in a committed relationship fight.
See Also:Mind & Brain
Reference
Dr. Keith Sanford, associate professor of psychology and neuroscience at Baylor, has not only identified the underlying concerns, he also has developed a specific method to measure them.
Sanford and his research have identified the first type of underlying concern as perceived threat, which involves a perception that one’s partner is being hostile, critical, blaming or controlling.
The second type of concern is called perceived neglect, which involves a perception that one’s partner is failing to make a desired contribution or failing to demonstrate an ideal level of commitment or investment in the relationship.
The results appear in the American Psychological Association’s journal Psychological Assessment.
“When people have underlying concerns about a perceived threat or perceived neglect, they may be likely to engage in reflexive, emotionally charged behavior that can initially serve to escalate the conflict,” Sanford said. “This means that perceived threat and neglect should correlate with how couples communicate during conflict. Each type of concern is associated with a specific and distinct set of emotions and perceptions.”
Another result, Sanford believes, is that concerns regarding perceived neglect may be best resolved when a person receives an apology and then decides to forgive. In contrast, a person concerned about a perceived threat may be more interested in receiving demonstrations of deference, expressions of appreciation, and reductions in hostility.
Sanford and his research team also have created an assessment tool to measure these two underlying concerns. The Couples Underlying Concern Inventory is a questionnaire measuring the two basic types of underlying concern that couples experience during episodes of conflict. This study provides initial evidence supporting the validity of the assessment.
Sanford said the results suggest that an assessment of underlying concerns can provide important information about how a respondent is viewing a conflict interaction. He also said the results support the feasibility of encouraging people to express emotion when they perceive neglect but raise some doubts about the feasibility of this approach in situations where the underlying concern involves a perceived threat.
Email or share this story: |More
Story Source:
The above story is reprinted (with editorial adaptations by ScienceDaily staff) from materials provided by Baylor University.
Journal Reference:
- Sanford et al. Perceived threat and perceived neglect: Couples’ underlying concerns during conflict..Psychological Assessment, 2010; 22 (2): 288 DOI:10.1037/a0018706
i hate you
so much right now.
we had such an amazingly beautiful weekend.
and then i come home to find shit on the stupid internet.
and all it is, is a stupid back and forth
a couple lines of communication between two friends
but i’m being talked about
and when you read stuff about yourself it’s an unbelievable feeling
and he asks me where’s the proof of what i’m accusing him of
and i can’t fucking give him the proof
because that makes me look like a stalker
but the truth is
it was open, and … and
ahhh fuck it
it really doesn’t mater anyway. i’m with someone who has serious anger issues (amongst other issues) but i don’t dwell on these things because i focus on the positive when we’re together. okay so we had a brilliant lovely weekend. but there is this underlying sense of . . something, that is wrong. he can’t apologize or take responsibility for anything his word or actions cause. “it’s not his job” he says to make me feel better about anything.
now here it is i’m tired, exhausted, 3:34 in the morning and i can’t sleep because we broke up. he said so many horrible things to me. i just don’t understand why things had to end so o o o o o horribly and in a matter of moments. suddenly he was all “fuck off you’re psycho you need professional help etc ect” which is how he gets whenever he’s confronted by anything. extremely defensive and OFFENSIVE as well.
well i definitely do NOT want to spend any more time with someone with a temper like that. the sad thing is i love his family. i love his mom. i love his brother, he’s in my band, or, was planning to be. now i don’t know. there are a lot of sad things about this break up. i can’t believe how unhealthy it feels. we have always had good communication but whenever there have been any issues to discuss where his actions or words are questioned at all, it’s like this wrath comes out. which is something i don’t understand seeing as he was in a buddhist monestary for 2 years. shouldn’t he have that whole zen and karma thing figured out? doesn’t he know that the way he spoke to me HAS to be bad karma for him?
what i can’t believe is that he’s turned everything around on me, telling me i’m completely wrong about everything and i’m fucked up and i’m losing something and i’m the one making this decision and he loved me so much but never speak to him ever again. it’s extremely dramatic and intense.
well i will NOT get back together with him now, no matter what. he will have to really really really do something to get me back, which i know he won’t, because he feels like he’s the one being wronged, and that this is my fault. he’s already written me his “goodbye forever” letter (keep in mind this whole fight just happened tonight). he’s the victim here, and i’m the bad guy, so of course there will be no apologies from him or any responsibility whatsoever for having anything to do with this situation at all.
fuck it’s annoying. how can a person be like this? it’s annoying and it’s hurtful and frustrating and at times it’s really disgusting. i came to him with honest feelings, and honest communication, i told him my fears- explaining that they were fears. i told him the facts that i knew he knew i knew. i told him my feelings. and i asked him real, genuine questions about his actions and his intentions.
why couldn’t he defend me in this one situation?
do you think he got so mad because he knew he was in the wrong?
anyway, i said if you really don’t see this and you refuse to help me and you tell me this is all in my head, then goodbye.
he flipped the FUCK out with the most awful reaction you could ever imagine, and yes, we are over. and somehow, it’s all my fault because according to him it IS all in my head even though i have proof of what i was saying, and my bottom line was i just wanted some fucking support from him for my feelings.
but it was all too much for him and now we’re done.
well back to what i said before. if his rage is so intense and his insecurity or pride is so prevalent that he cannot back up his girlfriend and man up and be by her side, then god i certainly do not want to go any further with him.
no way no how not now not never.
i don’t know how this will play out but writing it all out definitely helps.
i was honest and genuine and he freaked the fuck out.
i don’t know what else i could have done.
nothing. i am being myself and i am being considerate but there comes a point where you have to just be straight up. well i really don’t know what to do now. i already deactivated my facebook. we’ll see what happens from here. :(
major :( .
vanilla rum and mango juice
do not let the world pass you by.
it’s better to feel, to live, to cry.
to let each tear fall from your eye.
the way you should be, before you die.
do not let life close up each gate.
it’s better to enter, even after debate.
to love opportunity, never to hate.
this way your heart can levitate.
do not succumb to neediness.
it’s always better, more or less,
to pick up light and drop darkness
always being met with true success.
do not ever lose a balanced view.
it’s always better to seek the truth.
to be the best version of you
any way you can be, be it true.
i don’t trust anyone, not even myself.
i feel horrible. i hate my life. i hate who i am.
i am nothing, i am worthless. i am a disfuctional failure.
i hate my past, i have no beautiful future.
shit
lord help me. i need to end all of this.
phase me out easy lord, don’t make it too hard on me.
don’t let it be too difficult, teach me how to float.
god i want to go in love.
love love love.
and leave a trail of it behind.
please let me get through this, it’s change time.
boyfriend is a jerk
boyfriend is a jerk boyfriend is a jerk don’t know why i’m with him boyfriend is a jerk don’t know why i’m with him boyfriend is a jerk don’t know why i’m with him boyfriend is a jerk.
sdfhfy kghjlivhcfulhjv cfhdstyruyghjbmn
hen someone makes you take a look at yourself and what you see isn’t pretty, and then you start to feel sick.
lord i ask right now to draw upon your divine strenthgth. lored build me up and then break me down, do with me hat you will, and i may not understand but i trust that you are putting me through the fire for a reason.
dear good i don’t try to understand, i just try to live it and be it- live and be exa ctly your tool, an instrument for your peace and good actions.
god i want to be right within.
love love love
so he’s extremely angry
so he’s extremely angry
and it’s all pent up inside. i’d recite the conversation but i’m too tired and i’ve already done a collage to help me deal with the emotions induced by it. either way, it was ridiculous. such text book signs of… something. snapping at me (loss of control of temper, heightened sensitivity), condescending (saying the word “RESPECT” to me, telling me i’m throwing a tantrum (projection), cutting me off, getting off the phone (avoidance) .. yes there’s a LOT of avoidance here. as well as some projection. yes i know he is SICK, like, physically, but it’s all about “psychoneuroimmunology”. His psyche affects his immune system, and his immune system in turn affects his psyche. What he needs is some THERAPY. (Esp. music therapy.. .maybe i should make him a CD. yes, yes i will. he could also do some ART therapy on himself… ) he should also do GUIDED IMAGERY. THERAPY will affect his PSYCHE in a positive way, and in turn affect his IMMUNE system in a positive way. I just found a guided imagery/ hypnosis place near philadelphia… http://www.voorheeshypnosis.com/21208.html God i wish i could do guided imagery and music therapy on him. but he lives far so i can’t see him. all i can do is pray from afar, use the emotions i get from this for the positive by creating things, art, music, etc. and sending off good vibes back into the universe. i wanna curse- he’s a fucking dick. a FUCKING DICK! but that’s not the way i have to deal with things. he’s BEING a fucking dick, not he IS a fucking dick. whew, there’s nothing i can do now to make him change, make him better, so i have to let go of the frustration. le sigh
needing freedom right now.
only the truth can set you free.
i’m so tired right now and it’s 4 am and i’m STILL up after last night’s drinking binge which ended terribly, including being extremely sick all day today and missing obligations due to it, and struggling through a tough music session.
what a fukkin day. what a week. what is going on in my life right now?!
just feeling more and more confused lately, this familiar confusion coming on and setting in like i used to get. i don’t think this is a quarter life crisis- i already went through that (didn’t i?)
i think i’m just feeling really super unhealthy because i haven’t been eating, sleeping, or taking care of myself at all. why do i get like this? i just run myself too thin, and get filled with worry and stress and ugh i let it get the best of me.
things i want to be:
free
i am having a hard time expressing myself and this feeling of a lack of control won’t go away. my music isn’t good enough. nothing is good enough. i’m not good enough. now would be the point where my (loving) ex boyfriend would (lovingly) tell me i need to see the therapist. i’m sick of talking to strangers about my problems though.
blah blah blah this too shall pass.
wow this is perfect. i was needing an apology and i would forgive. he was sensing a serious threat and needed me to retreat.
ScienceDaily (June 26, 2010) — A new Baylor University study has found that there are two fundamental underlying concerns when partners in a committed relationship fight. Dr. Keith Sanford, associate professor of psychology and neuroscience at Baylor, has not only identified the underlying concerns, he also has developed a specific method to measure them. Sanford and his research have identified the first type of underlying concern as perceived threat, which involves a perception that one’s partner is being hostile, critical, blaming or controlling. The second type of concern is called perceived neglect, which involves a perception that one’s partner is failing to make a desired contribution or failing to demonstrate an ideal level of commitment or investment in the relationship. The results appear in the American Psychological Association’s journal Psychological Assessment. “When people have underlying concerns about a perceived threat or perceived neglect, they may be likely to engage in reflexive, emotionally charged behavior that can initially serve to escalate the conflict,” Sanford said. “This means that perceived threat and neglect should correlate with how couples communicate during conflict. Each type of concern is associated with a specific and distinct set of emotions and perceptions.” Another result, Sanford believes, is that concerns regarding perceived neglect may be best resolved when a person receives an apology and then decides to forgive. In contrast, a person concerned about a perceived threat may be more interested in receiving demonstrations of deference, expressions of appreciation, and reductions in hostility. Sanford and his research team also have created an assessment tool to measure these two underlying concerns. The Couples Underlying Concern Inventory is a questionnaire measuring the two basic types of underlying concern that couples experience during episodes of conflict. This study provides initial evidence supporting the validity of the assessment. Sanford said the results suggest that an assessment of underlying concerns can provide important information about how a respondent is viewing a conflict interaction. He also said the results support the feasibility of encouraging people to express emotion when they perceive neglect but raise some doubts about the feasibility of this approach in situations where the underlying concern involves a perceived threat. Story Source: Journal Reference:
See Also:Mind & Brain
Reference
The above story is reprinted (with editorial adaptations by ScienceDaily staff) from materials provided by Baylor University.
i hate you
so much right now.
we had such an amazingly beautiful weekend.
and then i come home to find shit on the stupid internet.
and all it is, is a stupid back and forth
a couple lines of communication between two friends
but i’m being talked about
and when you read stuff about yourself it’s an unbelievable feeling
and he asks me where’s the proof of what i’m accusing him of
and i can’t fucking give him the proof
because that makes me look like a stalker
but the truth is
it was open, and … and
ahhh fuck it
it really doesn’t mater anyway. i’m with someone who has serious anger issues (amongst other issues) but i don’t dwell on these things because i focus on the positive when we’re together. okay so we had a brilliant lovely weekend. but there is this underlying sense of . . something, that is wrong. he can’t apologize or take responsibility for anything his word or actions cause. “it’s not his job” he says to make me feel better about anything.
now here it is i’m tired, exhausted, 3:34 in the morning and i can’t sleep because we broke up. he said so many horrible things to me. i just don’t understand why things had to end so o o o o o horribly and in a matter of moments. suddenly he was all “fuck off you’re psycho you need professional help etc ect” which is how he gets whenever he’s confronted by anything. extremely defensive and OFFENSIVE as well.
well i definitely do NOT want to spend any more time with someone with a temper like that. the sad thing is i love his family. i love his mom. i love his brother, he’s in my band, or, was planning to be. now i don’t know. there are a lot of sad things about this break up. i can’t believe how unhealthy it feels. we have always had good communication but whenever there have been any issues to discuss where his actions or words are questioned at all, it’s like this wrath comes out. which is something i don’t understand seeing as he was in a buddhist monestary for 2 years. shouldn’t he have that whole zen and karma thing figured out? doesn’t he know that the way he spoke to me HAS to be bad karma for him?
what i can’t believe is that he’s turned everything around on me, telling me i’m completely wrong about everything and i’m fucked up and i’m losing something and i’m the one making this decision and he loved me so much but never speak to him ever again. it’s extremely dramatic and intense.
well i will NOT get back together with him now, no matter what. he will have to really really really do something to get me back, which i know he won’t, because he feels like he’s the one being wronged, and that this is my fault. he’s already written me his “goodbye forever” letter (keep in mind this whole fight just happened tonight). he’s the victim here, and i’m the bad guy, so of course there will be no apologies from him or any responsibility whatsoever for having anything to do with this situation at all.
fuck it’s annoying. how can a person be like this? it’s annoying and it’s hurtful and frustrating and at times it’s really disgusting. i came to him with honest feelings, and honest communication, i told him my fears- explaining that they were fears. i told him the facts that i knew he knew i knew. i told him my feelings. and i asked him real, genuine questions about his actions and his intentions.
why couldn’t he defend me in this one situation?
do you think he got so mad because he knew he was in the wrong?
anyway, i said if you really don’t see this and you refuse to help me and you tell me this is all in my head, then goodbye.
he flipped the FUCK out with the most awful reaction you could ever imagine, and yes, we are over. and somehow, it’s all my fault because according to him it IS all in my head even though i have proof of what i was saying, and my bottom line was i just wanted some fucking support from him for my feelings.
but it was all too much for him and now we’re done.
well back to what i said before. if his rage is so intense and his insecurity or pride is so prevalent that he cannot back up his girlfriend and man up and be by her side, then god i certainly do not want to go any further with him.
no way no how not now not never.
i don’t know how this will play out but writing it all out definitely helps.
i was honest and genuine and he freaked the fuck out.
i don’t know what else i could have done.
nothing. i am being myself and i am being considerate but there comes a point where you have to just be straight up. well i really don’t know what to do now. i already deactivated my facebook. we’ll see what happens from here. :(
major :( .
vanilla rum and mango juice
do not let the world pass you by.
it’s better to feel, to live, to cry.
to let each tear fall from your eye.
the way you should be, before you die.
do not let life close up each gate.
it’s better to enter, even after debate.
to love opportunity, never to hate.
this way your heart can levitate.
do not succumb to neediness.
it’s always better, more or less,
to pick up light and drop darkness
always being met with true success.
do not ever lose a balanced view.
it’s always better to seek the truth.
to be the best version of you
any way you can be, be it true.
